gnomi: (boston_skyline (shoegal-icons))
So, it's that time of year, when the students return (like swallows to Capistrano) to Boston. And thus it is time for yet another "gnomi explains it all" post. Not that any of the people this post is directed toward will actually see it, but it'll make me feel better.

1. You see that thing in front of you? It's a Really Big Street. Running across it while those fast-moving things (we call them "cars") are barrelling down at you will hurt you more than it will hurt the cars.

2. Moving trucks, while useful, should not completely block any of the following: driveways, sidewalks, crosswalks, intersections. We know you have to move your stuff. However, some of us have to live here, too.

3. Speaking of crosswalks, please learn how to use them. No, really. They're not there purely for the amusement of line painters.

4. Ah, the T. Yes, it's a subway system. Yes, it gets you and your obnoxious friends from place to place. But it is not solely yours. The other commuters might want to be able to, say, read their newspapers free of your loud, obscene comments at 7:15 in the morning. Or even at 5:30 at night.

5. Also, you see those big signs in the T stations that say "There is no smoking permitted on MBTA property?" Those do apply to you. And they apply regardless of what you're choosing to smoke. I'm just saying.

6. We know you're eager to get on the train. But you and your aforementioned obnoxious friends are just making it harder for everyone if you're blocking the door, keeping those of us in the train from getting out. This also applies to people blocking the doors when inside the train; if you move out of the doorway, people will be able to get off the train and you will get to your destination faster.

7. While we're talking trains and etiquette, let's tackle getting to and from those trains. You see the escalator? It comfortably accommodates two people per stair. But here's the deal. Stay to the right if you want to stand and let the moving stairs propel you upwards. Stay to the left if you wish to walk up the stairs. This is established local tradition, and there's no need for the commuters to have to slalom purely because you and your aforementioned obnoxious friends can't be bothered to notice all the people standing to the right of the stairs.

8. Bicycles are great. We're all for them. In fact, we have bike lanes on some of our major streets. Please, however, pay attention to the following important fact: Bicycles are subject to the same laws as the cars if you're riding on the street (which, for the most part, you should be; many municipalities have laws against riding on sidewalks). This means that you have to stop when the light is red and allow the pedestrians to walk. This does not mean that you should barrel through the crosswalk and curse out the pedestrians who have the gumption to get into the crosswalk when you want to be there (despite the fact that they, not you, have the light).

So, welcome to Boston. Keeping these things in mind will make your life much simpler and will also prevent me from thwacking you with my elbow as I strive to get to or from work.

Thank you,
The management.

*Or, whenever I remember to post it or am reminded to post it.
gnomi: (boston_skyline (shoegal-icons))
So, it's that time of year, when the students return (like swallows to Capistrano) to Boston. And thus it is time for yet another "[livejournal.com profile] gnomi explains it all" post. Not that any of the people this post is directed toward will actually see it, but it'll make me feel better.

1. You see that thing in front of you? It's a Really Big Street. Running across it while those fast-moving things (we call them "cars") are barrelling down at you will hurt you more than it will hurt the cars.

2. Moving trucks, while useful, should not completely block any of the following: driveways, sidewalks, crosswalks, intersections. We know you have to move your stuff. However, some of us have to live here, too.

3. Speaking of crosswalks, please learn how to use them. No, really. They're not there purely for the amusement of line painters.

4. Ah, the T. Yes, it's a subway system. Yes, it gets you and your obnoxious friends from place to place. But it is not solely yours. The other commuters might want to be able to, say, read their newspapers free of your loud, obscene comments at 7:15 in the morning. Or even at 5:30 at night.

5. Also, you see those big signs in the T stations that say "There is no smoking permitted on MBTA property?" Those do apply to you. And they apply regardless of what you're choosing to smoke. I'm just saying.

6. We know you're eager to get on the train. But you and your aforementioned obnoxious friends are just making it harder for everyone if you're blocking the door, keeping those of us in the train from getting out. This also applies to people blocking the doors when inside the train; if you move out of the doorway, people will be able to get off the train and you will get to your destination faster.

7. While we're talking trains and etiquette, let's tackle getting to and from those trains. You see the escalator? It comfortably accommodates two people per stair. But here's the deal. Stay to the right if you want to stand and let the moving stairs propel you upwards. Stay to the left if you wish to walk up the stairs. This is established local tradition, and there's no need for the commuters to have to slalom purely because you and your aforementioned obnoxious friends can't be bothered to notice all the people standing to the right of the stairs.

8. Bicycles are great. We're all for them. In fact, we have bike lanes on some of our major streets. Please, however, pay attention to the following important fact: Bicycles are subject to the same laws as the cars if you're riding on the street (which, for the most part, you should be; many municipalities have laws against riding on sidewalks). This means that you have to stop when the light is red and allow the pedestrians to walk. This does not mean that you should barrel through the crosswalk and curse out the pedestrians who have the gumption to get into the crosswalk when you want to be there (despite the fact that they, not you, have the light).

So, welcome to Boston. Keeping these things in mind will make your life much simpler and will also prevent me from thwacking you with my elbow as I strive to get to or from work.

Thank you,
The management.

*Or, whenever I remember to post it or am reminded to post it.
gnomi: (correct_grammar (elfgirl))
I realize that the desire was to write an article about the upcoming retirement of Smith College's president, but did you really have to go with a Dek (subheadline) of "Search underway to replace Christ"? Don't you think religious issues have been making headlines enough recently?

Yours most sincerely,
The freelance editor who giggled loudly on the Green Line this morning

ETA: The obligatory screenshot (click to enlarge):


gnomi: (transportation_local)
When I tell you, upon entering your Green Line trolley, that the guy ahead of you went express and therefore I should not have to show my pass again, the response should not be "Who cares?" Also, when I disembark from the train, the appropriate response to "Have a good night" is "Thank you" or "You, too," not "Oh, Goh-oh-oh-od."

Please make a note of it.

Sincerely,
A passenger who did not happen to get your badge number
gnomi: (Default)
...The word "Tzfardei’a" is Hebrew. I refer you to Exodus chapter 7 verse 27. The Greeks may be using the word, but I believe *they* understand they're making an allusion.

Yours in the name of cross-language understanding,

An amused [personal profile] gnomi

(Thanks to LanguageLog for the link)
gnomi: (Default)
Dear Scott Brown,

Today you lost my vote.

Over the course of the past week, I have gotten no fewer than two calls per day from your campaign. The calls come at all hours -- many of which are during my six-month-old twin girls' nap times. I realize that as an unenrolled voter I am a prime target for your campaigning, but harassing me is not a way to get my vote.

I will be voting for one of your opponents on 19 January.

Sincerely,
A ticked-off mother in Brookline

This message was not paid for by anything other than my peace of mind.
gnomi: (transportation_local)
Dear Mob of Folks Taking Photos at Washington Square T Stop this Evening:

Even though the MBTA's photography policy allows the taking of non-commercial photos on and in MBTA property, I highly doubt it would allow any of the following I observed this evening:

-- Blocking access to the waiting areas
-- Standing in the middle of the tracks to get the perfect shot when the train is pulling in
-- Standing in the doorway to get the perfect shot while actual paying riders are attempting to exit and board the train
-- Smoking on the platform (please note that smoking is illegal on all T property. I wish more folks would pay attention to this)

Please strive to change your behavior in the future.

Sincerely,

That chick who insisted on being able to get to the waiting area despite your desires to get that perfect shot

P.S. I thought your female model looked ridiculous in a sleeveless sheath dress and four-inch heels in Brookline at 7:15 PM when it was 38 degrees out. But that's just me.
gnomi: (Default)
Dear Elected Officials.

Stop it. Just... stop it. Corruption, accepting bribes, conspiring to commit mail and wire fraud... that's not why we elected you.

Stop. Now. Please.

Thank you.

-- A concerned citizen
gnomi: (transportation_local)
This morning, I started my commute as usual: waiting for the 66 bus. After being passed by a number of buses that run along parts of the 66 route but are not the 66 (they're designated as buses to take students to Brighton High), at 7:02 AM a "real" 66 finally came barrelling down Harvard St. And I mean barrelling. The speed at which the bus was traveling meant that the driver almost didn't notice the two people (of which I was one) waiting at the Coolidge St. stop, and by the time he noticed us and stopped, he was almost half a block beyond the bus stop.

I boarded the bus (number 2265), and the driver (who, I was subsequently informed by the automated crawl, was operator #2594) apologized for almost missing us. He explained that he almost missed us because of his high rate of speed and that it took him a minute to realize there were people waiting for the bus. When I noted that, yes, he was going at a speed that exceeded the safe threshold for the particular street (Harvard St. is a very busy pedestrian area along with carrying significant amounts of traffic even at 7:00 AM), the driver pointed to the display to his left that indicated that he was already running 12.6 minutes late.

Are you truly training drivers that the way to compensate for running late is to drive unsafely along heavily populated areas? That goes beyond stupid to reckless. The 66 bus is notorious for not keeping to its schedule, but the answer is not to encourage drivers to endanger both those inside and outside the bus.

Endangeredly yours,
A concerned rider
gnomi: (boston_skyline (shoegal-icons))
So, it's that time of year, when the students return (like swallows to Capistrano) to Boston. And thus it is time for yet another "[personal profile] gnomi explains it all" post. Not that any of the people this post is directed toward will actually see it, but it'll make me feel better.

1. You see that thing in front of you? It's a Really Big Street. Running across it while those fast-moving things (we call them "cars") are barrelling down at you will hurt you more than it will hurt the cars.

2. Moving trucks, while useful, should not completely block any of the following: driveways, sidewalks, crosswalks, intersections. We know you have to move your stuff. However, some of us have to live here, too.

3. Speaking of crosswalks, please learn how to use them. No, really. They're not there purely for the amusement of line painters.

4. Ah, the T. Yes, it's a subway system. Yes, it gets you and your obnoxious friends from place to place. But it is not solely yours. The other commuters might want to be able to, say, read their newspapers free of your loud, obscene comments at 7:15 in the morning. Or even at 5:30 at night.

5. Also, you see those big signs in the T stations that say "There is no smoking permitted on MBTA property?" Those do apply to you. And they apply regardless of what you're choosing to smoke. I'm just saying.

6. We know you're eager to get on the train. But you and your aforementioned obnoxious friends are just making it harder for everyone if you're blocking the door, keeping those of us in the train from getting out. This also applies to people blocking the doors when inside the train; if you move out of the doorway, people will be able to get off the train and you will get to your destination faster.

7. While we're talking trains and etiquette, let's tackle getting to and from those trains. You see the escalator? It comfortably accommodates two people per stair. But here's the deal. Stay to the right if you want to stand and let the moving stairs propel you upwards. Stay to the left if you wish to walk up the stairs. This is established local tradition, and there's no need for the commuters to have to slalom purely because you and your aforementioned obnoxious friends can't be bothered to notice all the people standing to the right of the stairs.

8. Bicycles are great. We're all for them. In fact, we have bike lanes on some of our major streets. Please, however, pay attention to the following important fact: Bicycles are subject to the same laws as the cars if you're riding on the street (which, for the most part, you should be; many municipalities have laws against riding on sidewalks). This means that you have to stop when the light is red and allow the pedestrians to walk. This does not mean that you should barrel through the crosswalk and curse out the pedestrians who have the gumption to get into the crosswalk when you want to be there (despite the fact that they, not you, have the light).

So, welcome to Boston. Keeping these things in mind will make your life much simpler and will also prevent me from thwacking you with my elbow as I strive to get to or from work.

Thank you,
The management.

Dear Self,

Aug. 26th, 2008 02:39 pm
gnomi: (facepalm (coloneljack))
Please to remember that you are wearing your actual glasses today, not your contacts and reading glasses. Removing your glasses when you are on the phone will only lead to your not being able to see *anything*.

Write it down, if necessary. Oh, right. If you write it down and then take off your glasses, you won't be able to read the note.

Flailing blindly,
The hands and brain
gnomi: (transportation_local)
Dear Lady Blocking the Exit,

When I say, "Excuse me, coming out," that is not an invitation to block my path. When I then say again, "Excuse me, coming out," most people clear a path to the door. Since your spoken, heartfelt response of "I don't know what to do" seemed to be seeking information, I responded "Move out of the way to the door." I hope this better educates you as to how to respond when someone in the future asks you to excuse them as they are attempting to get off the bus.

Yours in the name of education and fostering communications,

That chick who *didn't* hit you with her tote bag on the way out despite your best efforts to get hit therewith
gnomi: (here_comes_treble (shoegal-icons))
Thank you oh, so much for loudly whistling what I could only identify as "Jesus Christ Superstar." It's now firmly lodged in my brain. While I make no secret of being a fan of musical theatre, I'm really not an ALW fan, and I'm even less a fan of that particular show.

Now I must go and perform intense "Guys and Dolls" therapy.

No love,
The musically susceptible chick
gnomi: (here_comes_treble (shoegal-icons))
Dear Canada,

Thanks a lot. Now I've got "Cabaret" stuck in my head.

And thanks to your law enforcement agencies, too. That guy's kind of creepy, when you think too hard about it.

With love of musicals in my heart,

Me
gnomi: (transportation_local)
Dear Idiot Tourists,

I realize you're probably in town from somewhere that doesn't have a subway system or, if your home area *does* have a subway system, doesn't have an electrified trolley system. That said, it is *not smart* nor is it at all safe to have your under-ten-year-old children *stand in the middle of the tracks* at one of the busiest stops in the whole system right before the lunch rush in order to take their picture. Really it's not. You're lucky those two youngsters of yours were not smushed by that big green thing that is coming around the corner and cannot stop on a dime.

Yours sincerely,

The chick who cringed while the kids ran back and forth across the tracks
gnomi: (danny_what (celli))
Dear Dental Floss,

It's a small drawer you sit in. How is it possible that I have to search for you for five minutes? And, no. I will not settle for flossing with the cord for my headphones or the one for my iPod charger.

Please see to this matter. The raspberry seed is becoming painful.

Sincerely,
The owner of the drawer in question
gnomi: (cable_scarf_on_needles)
Dear Boston-Area Yarn Shops,

There is no reason that you should not carry size 2 circular needles in bamboo. People *do* actually use them, and some of us have a marked preference for bamboo needles. I *know* I can get (relatively) inexpensive metal ones. If I *wanted* metal, I'd be *asking* for metal. But I want bamboo or some other wood. Only one of the three stores I called even carries size 2s, and they're out.

Yes, I can do my project on double-pointeds. I know that. It doesn't change the fact that what I *want* is the circular.

No love,
The cranky knitter
gnomi: (ani_ma'amin_sox)
When I said it felt like August, I meant the weather. This was not a demand that you *play* like it's August. The usual way of things is that you slump *after* the All-Star break, not before.

Please make a note of this and return to your winning ways. You can resume slumping in actual August.

Sincerely,

A loyal denizen of Red Sox Nation
gnomi: (practice_acts_grammar (commodorified))
I appreciate your desire for children to learn about music -- specifically Mozart -- at a young age. I also appreciate that you try to make your ad more interesting by framing it as a breakfast cereal commercial. It makes it a bit more interesting than other PSAs. However...

"Impactful" is not a standard American English word. It is yet another piece of "bizspeak" that has made it out of the corporate sphere (where it should have died a quick death) and crossed into mainstream usage.

And it makes me cringe every single time.

Because the message it gives is, "We want our children to learn about music, but we don't care if they learn incorrect English."

Are you sure this is the lesson you wish to convey?

Sincerely,
A stickler who listens to the radio
gnomi: (crankiness)
Dear folks that write radio ad copy,

That thingy in Web addresses, the "/"? That is a virgule, AKA a slash. It is not, I repeat *not*, a back slash. If someone were to type the Web address with a backslash, they wouldn't get anywhere. To show you the difference, here's a back slash: \. Here, in fact, are multiple: \\\\\\. They should never appear in URLs. Never ever.

And why is it that you can say "www.blahblah.com-slash-purplemonkey" but then you say "backslash-dishwasher"? I mean, if you look at the URL, it's the same punctuation mark. Trust me.

In the name of punctuation clarity and proper punctuation identity,

--Me

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