An Old Shaggy Dog Story...

[gnomi]

...told to me by my father when I was but a youth. Current events have brought it to mind:

The story is told of Dr. P. Lumb, quite proud of his academic degrees in genetics, physics, and marine biology. For the past several years, he has been working on a potion that eliminates the aging process. Before he tests it on a human subject, he chooses to test it on an animal with the mental capacities closest to a person, and so picks a dolphin. Within a week, he acquired three such animals.

His experiment is halted through many unforeseen conflicts. First, spies from a rival cosmetic company break into the premises, ransack the lab, and attempt to remove the vital vial of vim and vigor from the vault, but failed. The second problem occurred in solving the first. The doctor cheaply invests in a security system, the King of the Jungle, "Dan the Lion". The reason for this feline's discount was due to his very long cat-naps, which were 10 hours long. The doctor plopped the cat in front of the door and kept him there.

Lastly, the dolphins, after several treatments of the solution, communicated that they were having a craving for large sea birds. Lumb, feeling this was not something to be ignored, ventured into the night, captured some seagulls, and returned to the lab.

He opened the door, stepped over Dan, and suddenly the lights were flicked on by gun-toting police officers, brandishing their weapons toward Lumb. He was arrested for violating the Mann Act, having transported gulls across staid lions for immortal porpoises.

Comments

[tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com]

i groan and make a point to remember enough of this to repeat it to my dad. who will also possibly groan and make a point to remember enough of it to repeat to someone else....

[cbpotts.livejournal.com]

I love you, you know, with a passion that borders on the insane. And stories like this? Make it even better....

[csbermack.livejournal.com]

Ow.

Owowow. Ow.

We remember these much better when we learn them as children.

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

My dad told a similar story with slightly different setup. I think his version involved mynas rather than gulls.

There's also (shortening this a bunch) the beverage made from native animals by the Australian order of the nuns of St. Mercy as a cure-all, which is very lumpy, because "the koala tea of Mercy is not strained".

[madfilkentist]

I saw it coming as soon as you got to the lion. I should have seen it sooner.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

I need an icon for "thwap with pillow"...

[lyonessnyc.livejournal.com]

:::GROANNNNNNNN:::

[betra.livejournal.com]

OMG

Are ALL Jewish fathers prone to this terrible punster syndrome?

I love you for posting this, and I am sending him a copy.