Two Totally Unrelated Questions...

[gnomi]

...that have been running around my head:

1. Dear Rabbi LJ, can I wear a new tichel on Shabbat during the three weeks?

2. Dear Miss LJ Manners, is there any polite way to tell a total stranger on the subway that his fly is down?

Comments

[winterknight.livejournal.com]

1. If I knew what a tichel was, I could tell you!
2. Yes, there is. "Excuse me, sir, but you're undone/undressed," said in a quiet tone. Discreetly making eye-contact and making a small gesture urging him to look down will do if you can't speak to him. It's never impolite to point it out as long as you take pains not to draw other people's attention to the problem. :)

[madknits.livejournal.com]

There is no polite way that a lady can let a gentleman know that his fly is down. That would imply that she is looking at his crotch, and ladies don't do that.

However, if she is feeling adventerous, she could very quietly say to him, "XYZ," with Z being pronounced Zee, as most Americans have no idea what Zed means. if he's on the ball, which he probably isn't, or his fly wouldn't be down, he'll know what you're trying to tell him.

Unless, of course, he is a foreigner and has no idea what XYZ means.

[moonpuppy61.livejournal.com]

As a life long American I have never heard the phrase "XYZ" to be used in this manner. Live and learn.

[madknits.livejournal.com]

I remember my mum using it when we were very young, and beginning to dress ourselves, or if we came out of the men's room and had forgotten to zip up. XYZ: Examine your zipper.

[madfilkentist]

I've never heard "XYZ" in that sense (I'm also American).

How about humming: "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah"? I actually have seen that used in the relevant sense. But since the movie that comes from isn't shown any more, perhaps no one under 35 would get it.

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

I'm with madknits on the zipper thing. It's not something I could bring myself to mention to a stranger. A friend is a different case, however.

[530nm330hz.livejournal.com]

1. Dip it in the mikveh
2. No

(Seriously, on 1? If you'd say shehecheyanu on it, I'd say no, and otherwise, go for it.)

[tygerseye.livejournal.com]

Sure. "Dude. You're fly is down." Followed by a grin and a wink. ;-)

[moonpuppy61.livejournal.com]

1 I am not qualified to answer this one.

2 A total stranger can be politely ignored if the occurrence does not have any egregious component. If the gentleman in question is "flopping about in the breezes" or otherwise giving a free show of the family jewels then a quiet but firm, "excuse me, sir, but your fly is open" should be enough. However, speaking as a male, if there is enough showing to make a gentle person such as yourself need to speak up, then also consider that the gentleman may have enough chemical distraction to make approaching him hazardous.

[tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com]

1 i have no idea, but some of those are really nice. i like the tie-dye ones and the ones with the silver thread, personally.
2 "excuse me... your fly is down." or eyecontact and discreet nodding/pointing, if you're across the aisle or something.

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

Once again I think to myself, "Wow, something else this lifelong Jew doesn't know about being Jewish." Sure, coverage of the hair is old news to me, but the idea that choosing to wear a new tichel at a certain time of year might be inappropriate or forbidden is new news. May I ask: What would make this an inappropriate thing to do?

[gnomi.livejournal.com]

The three weeks that start with the fast of the 17th of Tamuz (which was last Sunday) and end with Tisha B'Av (which is 10 August) are a period of mourning during which, among other things, we don't buy or wear new clothing. For Shabbat, however, many of the laws of mourning (upon which we base the traditions of the Three Weeks) are suspended. Therefore, I don't know whether I can wear my new tichel on Shabbat or not, because it's new clothing, but it's not really *clothing* per se (as a related example, new underwear I wouldn't say a shehechiyanu blessing on, and therefore it doesn't fall into this category of "new clothing").

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

So now I know. :-) Thank you!

[caryabend.livejournal.com]

new underwear I wouldn't say a shehechiyanu blessing on

Now you've got me wondering about Mormons.

[eireangus.livejournal.com]

Hello Nomi! Shabbat Shalom! :)

As far as question 1, that is a question for your local Rabbi. But, I think if a new garment has to be worn, it is OK to wear it on Shabbat. But, that brings up the question to me if a tichel is something that needs to be blessed? I know some unimportant new garments (such as socks) are not under obligation to recite shehecheyanu and can be worn during the Three Weeks. I think there are exceptions if they are fancy or of significant value to you. However, it definitely can't be worn during the Nine Days. After Rosh Chodesh Av, you can't wear new or freshly washed garments even on Shabbat.

Let us know what your Rabbi says about this issue! :)

As far as question 2, that depends on how you feel and the level of comfort. If I were a woman, I wouldn't say anything.

Shabbat Shalom!!! :-)

[eireangus.livejournal.com]

PS
Just a quick update, my Lubavitch Rabbi said you could wear it on Shabbat, but not during the Nine Days. He said some tichel require a blessing and others don't. It all depends on the level of significance. I know the Lubavitch minhag is not your local shul, but just wanted to post for your information.

[crwilley.livejournal.com]

Given that everything I know about your clothing requirements, I've learned from you, I'm not even going to touch #1. :)

On #2: Miss Manners, LJ or otherwise, typically recommends reversing the situation: if you were in his position, would you want to be notified by a total stranger, and if so, how? My personal thought is that absolutely nothing you do should draw further attention to it - so if he's not sitting or standing nearby, no, there isn't. On the other hand, eye contact followed by a downwards gesture or a whispered 'Sir, you may not be aware that your zipper is down...' would probably do the trick if he's in whispering range; personally, I'd be mildly embarrassed for a moment, but overall relieved that my faux pas had been brought to my attention.

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

How are these unrelated? Aren't they both to do with tznius? :-)

[caryabend.livejournal.com]

"WILL THE GENTLEMAN AT THE OTHER END OF THE PLATFORM/CAR PLEASE INFORM THE MANAGEMENT IF HIS EXPRESSION OF PERSONAL VENTILATION IS A COMMENT ABOUT THE STATE OF THE SYSTEM'S AIR CONDITIONING?"

:)

[bluepapercup]

*rolling on the floor with laughter*

[malkaesther.livejournal.com]

I think since you don't say shehechiyanu over a tichel (unless it is a really expensive/fancy one) you can wear it. Although I believe my previous chabad rabbi would have recommended dropping it on the floor before wearing so it was now dirty or maybe putting it on the cat for a minute so it was no longer "new". LOL.

[gnomi.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Though now I can imagine "tichel for the cat" becoming a new thing for the Chumrah of the Month Club.

[arib.livejournal.com]

The Cat in the Tichel

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

But how much of its hair do you have to cover? *g*

[winterknight.livejournal.com]

*giggles* That's a very cute image. "What happened to your tichel?" "Well, it was new, and..." "Ah, the cat trick?" "Backfired, yes." :)

[cellio]

"But hey, the shredded look might come into fashion! It's just landsknecht done up casual, right?"

[bluepapercup]

"decorative fringe"

[(Anonymous)]

1. My gut instinct was that you may not. But of course there are the considerations you and others raise. In addition to those, I would think your personal situation is to be considered, mainly why you want or need to wear it, and also whether doing so might garner compliments or otherwise bring you special joy.
A few days ago, a similar question occurred to me. I wondered what should be done if the need suddenly arose to attend a funeral for someone who had no appropriate funeral attire to wear.

2. I would want to be told. The main concern tends to be not wanting to embarrass. The way around this is to make clear that the purpose of the notification is to save the stranger from embarrassment. Also, this way it doesn't sound like an accusation or any kind of judgement. "Psst, I don't want for you to be in an embarrassing situation; your fly is open."
Also, saying "XYZ PDQ," usually with an accompanying glance or point to indicate the area, is something I have heard in many (American) contexts for decades, but it is true that many may not understand, and it isn't the first thing that would come to mind for me if someone simply told me, "XYZ." It also isn't exactly polite.

Shabbat Shalom.