An Ask Nomi Question for the Frum and Fashionable

[gnomi]

A friend of lcmlc has a wedding to go to and needs a dress that is tzniusdik (conforming to Jewish modesty standards) as well as fancy. What do I know? I make my own for stuff like that. So I turn to y'all... where (in the Boston area or national chains) would you suggest she shop?

Thanks!

Comments

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Hm. I would suggest that she shop at a store that sells dresses. I doubt she would find a dress like that at a comic book store or supermarket.

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

You, sir, are a troublemaker. ::grin::

[gnomi.livejournal.com]

Pbthththth! :-)

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

So, since no question is too odd, having been brought up in a conservative/reform household I feel the need to ask exactly what are the Jewish modesty standards? I know that there's covering of the hair. My impression is that there is also covering of the chest and legs. I'm sure, however, that there's more to it than that. I need to be edumacated.

::embarrassed::

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

This is the medium standard - some are stricter, some are less strict.

1. Skirts to the knee.
2. Necklines to the collarbone.
3. Sleeves to elbows.

(I'm on the strict side, so my skirts are below my knees at all times, my necklines cover my collarbones and my sleeves cover my elbows. I also do not wear skirts with slits. I often regret the sleeves over elbows thing, but not enough to change it.)

Only married women cover their hair - communities vary in how and how much, and if done by women who were married but are not anymore, and some women only wear hats in synagogue.

[llennhoff.livejournal.com]

[sings]

Tznius, that is our battle cry!
Tznius, its either do or die!
Tznius, don't show your kneeus,
Don't show your elbows, or ankles, or thighs...

La da da da da da

Ah, the joys of LTF Kallot. Warning: I'm a guy, and I am limited by both vocabulary and knowledge for what follows:

More seriously, while exact standards vary by community, a brief summary of the rules for most Ashkenazim AAIU is elbows covered when arms bent, knees covered while sitting down (some suggest skirt line 4 inches below the knee), no exposed feet, no pants, and covering collarbone or just below(*). Many also suggest/require no slits in dresses and avoiding bright colors (especially reds). After that things get more specific by subgroup, but opaque stockings, no floor length skirts, and avoiding color altogether are some of the restrictions.


(*) I occasionally remark to my wife when we pass a particularly provocative Cosmo or whatever "Check out the collarbones on THAT one".

[ghilledhu.livejournal.com]

no floor length skirts

Um, pardon my ignorance, but why is this bad? One would think this is more modest, not less.

[llennhoff.livejournal.com]

[no sarcasm] I'm sure my wife will be along shortly to explain this. I just know it is true in some communities - I can make guesses as to the reason, but she will know.

[malkaesther.livejournal.com]

The reason I've been given/read "it is going in the way of the goyim" specifically talking about skirts that drag on the floor. 200 years ago the shorter lengths would have been in the way of the goyim and floor length skirts would have been the appropriate length for a Jewish woman.

I know its all a bit counter-intuitive.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Tznius, that is our battle cry!
Tznius, its either do or die!
Tznius, don't show your kneeus,
Don't show your elbows, or ankles, or thighs...

*splorf* Good thing I wasn't drinking anything right then!

[xochitl42.livejournal.com]

David's Bridal is a national chain, and they cater (last I knew) to various degrees of modesty--and were willing to alter a dress to make it admissible under such guidelines.

Macy's will also do this.

[magid.livejournal.com]

I just tend to shop regular stores, which is easier depending on the time of year and the current edicts for what's fashionable. Usually I can find something that's tznius, especially in the fancier sections appropriate for a wedding.

(Some places I've had good luck include the TJ Maxx opposite Rubin's, Lord & Taylor, and Susanna (Mass Ave, Cambridge); I've always wanted to check out Looks (also Mass Ave), but it's on the spendy side.)

[gingicat]

I found my wedding dress, which might be a little low-necked for strict observance, at Macy's.

[chaos-wrangler.livejournal.com]

My kin got dresses to wear to my wedding from a catalog/website - "Chadwick's" I think. I figure that counts as a "national chain" since they ship.

[introverte.livejournal.com]

My tip o' the day: since I am short, sometimes when I buy a nice dress I need to hem it. I can then use the excess material to modify the neckline or sleeves. A decent dressmaker of course, can also do this.

[introverte.livejournal.com]

Oh, and: don't forget the lovely and fashionable garment, the shrug. It can be used to both fashionably accessorize an outfit and add coverage.

[sharonaf.livejournal.com]

Last time I needed a gown, I found one at Lord & Taylor. It had a low back and was sleeveless, but included a wide rectangular shawl. I wrapped the shawl around my arms and sewed it so that it had sleeves and the ends dripped down, thus maintaining the shawl look (I have a Thing about having very obvious alterations for modesty's sake. If it's obvious, I won't buy the garment. In this case, it just looked like a dress whose shawl just happened to cover my arms). I did have to pin or hook the shawl to the dress itself every time I wore it, unfortunately, or it would have covered my arms but not my shoulders, which would rather have missed the point.
Homemade also works. My wedding dress was homemade, but not by me--by a friend of the family's who's a professional tailor. I designed it, though. ;-)

[somehedgehog.livejournal.com]

Maybe a bridal or formalwear store that specifically sells mother-of-the-bride dresses, which tend to be more modest than most other formal/party dresses? Searching on ebay for mother of the bride/MOB dress will probably give a decent overview of what's available.

[llennhoff.livejournal.com]

A friend just found a dress at http://www.totallymodest.com/

Warning: contains Mormons.

[llennhoff.livejournal.com]

I just read on Beyond BT of a woman starting a frum dress shop at nutmegshop.com. It might not stock formal wear yet, but I thought it worth a look.

[donovanstitch.livejournal.com]

I humbly submit the following for your consideration; https://www.funkyfrum.com/catalog/index.php

Disclaimer: I have no personal knowledge of their products or services beyond seeing banner ads and web site.

[gnomi.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link!

Honestly, I'd be somewhat confused if you said you had personal experience with their clothes...

[donovanstitch.livejournal.com]

I just meant that my wife hasn't shopped there. She hasn't shopped here, either.